Mommas

It was very difficult yesterday.

We saw his Mama for the first time since they sent her home. Everyone is just waiting for the end now. She is very uncomfortable physically. Her breathing is labored and she is in pain. She wasn’t able to talk much. She did tell him, ”I see you.” Choked him up a little – a lot. It was very hard on him when he lost his Dad. This time will be more difficult. The only good part of this is the wonders of the internet and Skype. We are not making the trip back. He has said all he has to say to her.

Preparing for his mother’s passing stirred thoughts and memories for me.

The call from Old Fart that Momma wasn’t going to make it. The staff at the hospital missed the DNR in her chart. She was hooked up to a ventilator. He wanted me to come down so the apparatus could be removed. I was there within 18 hours or so. He wanted me there for him. She never knew I was by her side. Old Fart still has bad days all these years later. He doesn’t know what to do with himself most of the time. He took care of her for 12 years! He never made an exit plan. He didn’t understand how lost he would be without her. Oddly I didn’t understand how much I would miss her either.

We weren’t related by birth. She was #2. And yet she is my #1. I could not love her more or miss her more simply by being of her flesh. She was the most loving, most caring Mother a child could want. I want that love still. I was not ready for her to go. She nurtured my soul. She taught me so very much about life and about relationships. My youth and my arrogance were my most prevalent traits when we were first getting acquainted. She was more than tolerant. She forgave me my ignorance and she guided me through those years. The horrible relationship that almost killed me – literally. The new role of mother that I was certain I could never EVER get right. Her support, her love, her guidance were an absolute integral part of our survival. Most of who and of what we are in our lives today is because she was in our lives. And now her lessons live on.

CiCi learned pure love from Momma. No conditions, no strings, no expectations – just love. A far better love than I could have taught her. Mine is flawed. Hers is not. Neither one of them actually have this flaw. A capacity for forgiveness that I still cannot master. This comes from deep inside a person. A place so real and so alive that one cannot touch or feel it. A person has to live it. I don’t have that place within me. I can remember a slight from my childhood which was a very long, long time ago. CiCi may remember but is not concerned. Momma was like that.

The one thing she didn’t forget was hurt. She felt it deeply. It crushed her. She was a tender hearted soul. As tough a business woman as you would ever meet. In a time when females were an anomaly in the world of finance and banking, Momma was moving to the top. She could run the place with amazing efficiency and true grit. And have her feelings crushed with an unkind word from a loved one. A lesson for us all here and now.

Mommas are the best. They deserve the best of us. Our love, our respect, our caring and our hearts. We pass this on to the next generation so they may pass it on to the following generation.

We love you Momma.

Ice Cream and Family

Growing up the family would get together for various reasons to celebrate assorted holidays and birthdays. This is a normal process for many an extended family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, folks you don’t remember ever seeing before or after that day would all gather somewhere and eat, drink and socialize for an afternoon and evening. Folks would bring a “covered dish” to share and the host would provide the main course. And sometimes dessert.

My Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Don had a good sized piece of property with a few buildings on it. I wish I could remember if it was an older farm or just some sheds on the perimeter, but I can’t recall that far back. I am old and they moved from that house when I was very young. I remember the large porch on the front of the house and the large front yard. Us younger kids had to stay close to the house and play in the front yard. I have no idea where the bigger kids went. I think I remember an old barn type building they were allowed to go to. But, I could be wrong. We would go out there for holidays and gatherings because there was a lot of space. In our heyday we were a large crowd.

One of the joys of being out at Uncle Don’s was homemade ice cream. He was quite proud of his flavorful accomplishments from that old machine. You remember those old things. They looked like an old wooden barrel inside a larger barrel-type tub. The tub part held the ice and rock salt. The inner tub held the ingredients. There was a large crank sticking out the one side. They used only the freshest ingredients – milk, cream, fruit, sugar, vanilla and rock salt. Lots of rock salt. And lots of manpower to turn the crank. Or in the case of my uncle’s ice cream – kid power. We all wanted some homemade ice cream. It was so good. And such a novelty. Who knew you could make the stuff at home.

We thought you just bought the box at the grocery freezer section and took it home. Dad would fuss and swear at how hard it was and how difficult it was to get out of the container. We would all wait in the other room until we were called to the table to “Come and Get Your Ice Cream Before It Melts!” Scarff it down, take the bowl to the kitchen and back to the TV. No preparation, no ceremony, no mess, no fun. But, you could make the stuff at home? Huh, never heard of that.

The day would come and we excitedly climb into the station wagon. Food prepared and covered for the trip. Extra pants and jackets in case it got cold, a blanket and pillow for whomever fell asleep on the way home and “go before we leave cuz I’m not stopping till we get there,” from Dad. And away we went. And we had to stop at least once for someone to do what they should have done before we left. “But I didn’t have to go then,” never went over well with Dad.

The day would progress with socializing and more food preparation. The tables were set for the adults and the kids got the card table in the other room with the plastic dinner ware and the mismatched plates. The great thing about Uncle Don’s was the room to run with not a care in the world. And the homemade ice cream. Long after dinner he would set everything up on the front porch and start the hand crank. And in true Tom Sawyer fashion get us kids to finish it off for him. He would make the periodic obligatory visits to check on progress. Add more rock salt every time and tell us we were doing a good job. As it got more solid we would switch off every few minutes because our arms would get tired. After a while you shout out for someone else to take over and you run off into the yard and have fun. Sometimes it was a bit of a stretch to get someone to relieve you. A rousing game of freeze tag had taken over the labor force. But, eventually someone would show up and you would get to join the game is progress. Only to have Uncle Don return and add more rock salt. This process would go well into the evening until at least full dark. The freeze tag had now evolved into flashlight tag. All the while the kids were playing close by and the ice cream was being prepared.

You know it took me years to figure out how smart my Uncle Don really was. He found a way to keep us occupied, near the house and get dessert prepared with very little effort on his part. All these years I held romantic, nostalgic notions and truly fond memories of those gatherings. Only to recently figure out we had been hoodwinked into manual labor.

I wish Uncle Don were still here. I would love to reminisce with him about those days. He would be so pleased with himself.

Miss ya Unca Don – thanks for the memories.

The Upsides of Unemployment

Ok there are some upsides to unemployment. Really, after the first week I have discovered a few small but important positive aspects about being unemployed. Here they are in no certain order:

I go to the gym far more often. I love going to the gym. Physically pushing myself to go beyond my limits of strength and endurance feels good. I feel better, I notice subtle changes in strength already and am ready for more. I have maintained by membership over the last couple of years but my attendance has been sporadic at best. I don’t have any excuses now.

I don’t have to laundry on the weekends. I can do it as I have time – any time. No more spending hours on Saturday and/or Sunday loading the washer, moving the heavy wet clothes to the dryer, folding and carrying up the stairs to be put away. I have free time on weekends now. Not that I know what to do with it. But, I got it.

The house is a lot cleaner now. I have time to clean again. I can run the vacuum as it needs to be done. Not when I simply can’t stand the floors anymore. I can sweep when I can get the dog out of the way of the broom. The dishes don’t pile up in the sink. The bathrooms get wiped down a lot more often now too. It is amazing how nice things look when you have the time to take care of them.

Dinners are fun again. I have time to pull out the recipe books and magazines and find something new to create. Or visit an older one we have forgotten about. It makes for better meals and lets me putter around in the kitchen for hours on end. I said I could read a recipe – I didn’t say I was an expert at it.

I get to spend more time with my family. I sure have missed them a lot over the past couple of years. We live in the same house and spend very little time together. It has been very nice to see them every day and spend even a small amount of time with them. I am hoping to spend some time with each of them. If they can stand me…..

My daily food/munchie intake is much less. I have time to prepare meals and sit down to each them. I don’t need all those trail mix snacks and meal replacement bars that I have been eating for the last couple of years. When I try to eat like that now I feel stuffed. Yay…I can eat less and not feel deprived. I wonder how much of that was stress eating?

Oh yeah – my stress level is way down. I have not got upset with anyone nearly as easily as I have been. I haven’t had to play my “I am way too mad to do anything else” CD at all this week. And I haven’t wanted to maim anyone beyond recognition either. Life is getting better.

I don’t have to get dressed before 2 o’clock in the afternoon. I spend the morning working at the computer and being accosted by furry people. I go to the gym when my behind falls asleep and my legs are numb. After my sweatfest I take a shower, get dressed, do the hair and make-up thing. I am ready to start my day – at 2PM. Beats getting up at 5:45 AM any day.

And, DIY projects are not so bad. Husband and I got the back storm door up. Took three hours, a bit of swearing and little blood to accomplish it. But, it is up and functional and as a bonus it looks good. It operates better than the last one too. Points to Husband for that. He can be truly amazing sometimes.

Which brings us to the down side of unemployment. We will address those in the next post.