New thoughts

Ahhhh - feeling much better now. A few days of wallowing and self-pitying are about all I can stand.

Nothing new and exciting going on - just making ready to move on.

Life is getting better.

Some People

(photo credit to Rosie - thanks much.)

Some people are so deep you are left feeling inadequate.
Some people are so deep you know their pain.
Some pain is so deep it will never diminish.
Some pain is so real it consumes.

I glimpse this pain.
I cannot feel it.
I understand this pain.
I cannot feel it.
I hear this pain.
I cannot feel it.
I know this pain.
I cannot feel it.

Is there a way to reach deeper?
Is there a way to heal?
Once the insides have been torn out?
Once the child has been lost?

How far must I go to get her?
How long before I can’t reach her?
She is reaching out now.
She is trying to get here.

I feel her pain.
I know her pain.
I don’t want her pain.
She doesn’t want her pain.

Lost

I'm Lost.

Flailing in the open atmosphere.

Directionless, without discipline, no definitive answer.

I am an emotional wreck.

My physical well-being is starting to suffer.

Which way is up exactly?

Helpful

It would be so helpful if everyone else was keeping up their blogs. I am neglecting mine and yet so are my favorites. Which can only mean one thing - People got Lives - huh, again?

Last time this came as quite a shock to me. So, I was prepared this time. Truly not excited nor surprised. Kinda a little bored though.



We did make a trip to the large museum in the city today. That was great fun. Except for the 4700 school buses out front. That can only mean one thing...field trips! Aack, no, not those things. Didn't much like them when she was in school. I certainly am not interested in them now. Especially in a museum - a look-but-don't-touch kind of museum. There is no interactive displays in this one. It is very old school that way. Subdued lighting, no flash photography, keep your voices down, and don't touch any little thing - ever..... kind of place. Not exactly kid friendly. No dinosaurs - no planes - no fish - just old stuff. Beautiful, breathtaking, beyond exquisite art in sculpture, painting, furniture, dishes, curios, period cloth and so much more. But,no touching at all. And the museum gestapo appears around every corner in every exhibit hall to make certain you adhere to all rules. Dang people must not like their jobs. They never smile or speak to you. And I was even cleaned up today. Did my hair and everything for the occasion.

Ya well, we had a good time. Wandered around for a few hours. Trying to understand perspectives in art and in history. It is a trip I will make again. A very enjoyable outing. She had been before - multiple times actually. Amazing you know. The things she is teaching me now. I am proud. I am humbled.

I am worried. These moments are fleeting. A mere two months and she will move on. She will start her new life. The life without me in it every day.

What is a mother to do?

Yes - I know!

Believe it or not I have been lurking on my own site. I check in to use the links to other blogs I like. Funny huh? Ya ok kinda pathetic.

But, I am reassessing all things in my life. All things. I am making changes and considering options. Yes, I am still very married. No, I am not changing that at all. Everything else is up for review and assessment.

To that end I am writing again. Feels so good. I am taking steps to get back to my healthy diet. My two year break has not been good to me. I am going out on a limb a bit more these days. That is good,very good as well.

I am facing some failings and short comings. I am celebrating strengths and accomplishments. We will talk more about this journey as it continues. Major and minor changes are in order.

I read something posted by someone I love dearly. It moved me. No really it contained a link to a song I had never heard. The lyrics touched me. I don't know how to embed links but I will try. If it doesn't work go to youtube and type in Röyksopp - What Else Is There amazing video and bold lyrics. Caused me to think and feel and write and cry. All in the same afternoon. That is a good thing. Anything that can create that type of response is powerful.

Took a photography class too. Sorry, you are going to have to suffer through my attempts at landscapes. The next one may be a flower photo class. Ya you gonna hafta suffer through those too...

Enjoy!!

We startled each other pretty good here. We agreed to respect the other's space and move on.

Remember - I got this thing about frogs.....