It was very difficult yesterday.
We saw his Mama for the first time since they sent her home. Everyone is just waiting for the end now. She is very uncomfortable physically. Her breathing is labored and she is in pain. She wasn’t able to talk much. She did tell him, ”I see you.” Choked him up a little – a lot. It was very hard on him when he lost his Dad. This time will be more difficult. The only good part of this is the wonders of the internet and Skype. We are not making the trip back. He has said all he has to say to her.
Preparing for his mother’s passing stirred thoughts and memories for me.
The call from Old Fart that Momma wasn’t going to make it. The staff at the hospital missed the DNR in her chart. She was hooked up to a ventilator. He wanted me to come down so the apparatus could be removed. I was there within 18 hours or so. He wanted me there for him. She never knew I was by her side. Old Fart still has bad days all these years later. He doesn’t know what to do with himself most of the time. He took care of her for 12 years! He never made an exit plan. He didn’t understand how lost he would be without her. Oddly I didn’t understand how much I would miss her either.
We weren’t related by birth. She was #2. And yet she is my #1. I could not love her more or miss her more simply by being of her flesh. She was the most loving, most caring Mother a child could want. I want that love still. I was not ready for her to go. She nurtured my soul. She taught me so very much about life and about relationships. My youth and my arrogance were my most prevalent traits when we were first getting acquainted. She was more than tolerant. She forgave me my ignorance and she guided me through those years. The horrible relationship that almost killed me – literally. The new role of mother that I was certain I could never EVER get right. Her support, her love, her guidance were an absolute integral part of our survival. Most of who and of what we are in our lives today is because she was in our lives. And now her lessons live on.
CiCi learned pure love from Momma. No conditions, no strings, no expectations – just love. A far better love than I could have taught her. Mine is flawed. Hers is not. Neither one of them actually have this flaw. A capacity for forgiveness that I still cannot master. This comes from deep inside a person. A place so real and so alive that one cannot touch or feel it. A person has to live it. I don’t have that place within me. I can remember a slight from my childhood which was a very long, long time ago. CiCi may remember but is not concerned. Momma was like that.
The one thing she didn’t forget was hurt. She felt it deeply. It crushed her. She was a tender hearted soul. As tough a business woman as you would ever meet. In a time when females were an anomaly in the world of finance and banking, Momma was moving to the top. She could run the place with amazing efficiency and true grit. And have her feelings crushed with an unkind word from a loved one. A lesson for us all here and now.
Mommas are the best. They deserve the best of us. Our love, our respect, our caring and our hearts. We pass this on to the next generation so they may pass it on to the following generation.
We love you Momma.
We saw his Mama for the first time since they sent her home. Everyone is just waiting for the end now. She is very uncomfortable physically. Her breathing is labored and she is in pain. She wasn’t able to talk much. She did tell him, ”I see you.” Choked him up a little – a lot. It was very hard on him when he lost his Dad. This time will be more difficult. The only good part of this is the wonders of the internet and Skype. We are not making the trip back. He has said all he has to say to her.
Preparing for his mother’s passing stirred thoughts and memories for me.
The call from Old Fart that Momma wasn’t going to make it. The staff at the hospital missed the DNR in her chart. She was hooked up to a ventilator. He wanted me to come down so the apparatus could be removed. I was there within 18 hours or so. He wanted me there for him. She never knew I was by her side. Old Fart still has bad days all these years later. He doesn’t know what to do with himself most of the time. He took care of her for 12 years! He never made an exit plan. He didn’t understand how lost he would be without her. Oddly I didn’t understand how much I would miss her either.
We weren’t related by birth. She was #2. And yet she is my #1. I could not love her more or miss her more simply by being of her flesh. She was the most loving, most caring Mother a child could want. I want that love still. I was not ready for her to go. She nurtured my soul. She taught me so very much about life and about relationships. My youth and my arrogance were my most prevalent traits when we were first getting acquainted. She was more than tolerant. She forgave me my ignorance and she guided me through those years. The horrible relationship that almost killed me – literally. The new role of mother that I was certain I could never EVER get right. Her support, her love, her guidance were an absolute integral part of our survival. Most of who and of what we are in our lives today is because she was in our lives. And now her lessons live on.
CiCi learned pure love from Momma. No conditions, no strings, no expectations – just love. A far better love than I could have taught her. Mine is flawed. Hers is not. Neither one of them actually have this flaw. A capacity for forgiveness that I still cannot master. This comes from deep inside a person. A place so real and so alive that one cannot touch or feel it. A person has to live it. I don’t have that place within me. I can remember a slight from my childhood which was a very long, long time ago. CiCi may remember but is not concerned. Momma was like that.
The one thing she didn’t forget was hurt. She felt it deeply. It crushed her. She was a tender hearted soul. As tough a business woman as you would ever meet. In a time when females were an anomaly in the world of finance and banking, Momma was moving to the top. She could run the place with amazing efficiency and true grit. And have her feelings crushed with an unkind word from a loved one. A lesson for us all here and now.
Mommas are the best. They deserve the best of us. Our love, our respect, our caring and our hearts. We pass this on to the next generation so they may pass it on to the following generation.
We love you Momma.
